Some Friendships Are Worth Fighting For

            As I quietly pondered over thoughts about people in my life, I began to recall those relationships that touched me deeply enough to become friendships but for one reason or another something happened that caused them to be abruptly ripped from the picture. I found myself wondering what would have happened if we had fought harder to keep the friendship. In our human state our feelings sometimes get hurt. We occasionally feel betrayed or we lose patience with a certain personality flaw. What if we just had a momentary incorrect view of a situation? What if in our selfishness we had the wrong perspective on an issue?

            There are a number of people that I wish I had given more time to but there are two in particular that I think of often. In each case there was a difference of opinion. Words were exchanged and feelings were hurt. There were attempts to reconcile but they always seem to make the situation worse because neither side wanted to appear vulnerable. There were also outside voices speaking into the ears on either side. Eventually separation had to come because there appeared to be no avenue for peace. Time went by and other attempts were made to reconcile but one or the other would not give in.

            For my part, I missed them when they were no longer in my life. What started with passionate feelings of anger turned into a deep heart pain.  I would actually feel a pang of desperate sorrow when I would think of them. I don’t know what goodness could have come from the continued friendships but when I look back I believe that we missed a chance to do something great. What we did before our disagreement was good but it was only the beginning. Separated we went on to do wonderful things with our lives. But I can’t help but to think about the possibilities that could have been.

            I also began to think about the hurt that others around us suffered because of our separation.  Cutting each other off affected our families and friends. Bonds that had been formed had to be torn apart because it didn’t work for us anymore. People had to take sides even when they didn’t want to.

            I believe that it is important for us to do all that we know to do to mend fences. None of us know how long we will be in this realm of time and space. What is a little lost pride if the results will bring about great good in the earth? If you love someone enough to be their sincere friend then you need to love them enough to fight when the friendship is in jeopardy. I use the term sincere friend because some people are only supposed to be in your life for a time. When you separate from them there is no real pain. But when you separate from someone and you never seem to get over it, one or both of you didn’t do enough to fight for the friendship.

            I once watched a pastor walk through this with another pastor and wife in his church. The couple had been offended and made the decision that they had to leave the church. It was not a light thing that had been done to them and the pastor was well aware of the offense and admitted to it. But the couple was just too hurt and angry to stay in the midst of it. Their decision to leave the church had a great effect on the whole community and brought great sorrow to the fellowship. But because of his love for them and the value he placed on their friendship, this pastor would not let them leave without a fight. He continued wooing them until they could no longer fight against the love that was being shown to them. They ended up not leaving.

            It was wonderful watching this take place. It wasn’t easy for any of them and it was also difficult for the church. But the congregants followed their leadership and it all worked out. The sharing of the testimony when everyone was reconciled was gloriously heart wrenching.

            We all make mistakes and we all at some point hurt the ones we love. So let’s not be so selfish. Put the shoe on the other foot and dare to say I’m sorry, please forgive me and start again. If your plea is rejected, try again. If the friendship is worth the fight, don’t stop fighting until you win them over.

Pam Palmer Cooper